Anger Is Not Your Enemy

Don’t try to destroy your anger, transform it into constructive energy, writes THICH NHAT HANH.
 
To sit is not enough. We have to be at the same time.To be what? To be is to be a something, you cannot be a nothing.To eat, you have to eat something, you cannot just

eat nothing.To be aware is to be aware of something.To be angry is to be angry at something. So to be is to be something, and that something is what is going on: in your body, in your mind, in your feelings, and in the world.

While sitting, you sit and you are. You are what? You are the breathing. Not only the one who breathes —you are the breathing and the smiling.
It is like a television set of one million channels.When you turn the breathing on, you are the breathing. When you turn the irritation on, you are the irritation.You are one with it. Irritation and breathing are not things outside of you.You contemplate them in them, because you are one with them. If I have a feeling of anger, how would I meditate on that? How would I deal with it, as a Buddhist, or as an intelligent person? I would not look upon anger as something foreign to me that I have to fight, to have surgery in order to remove it. I know that anger is me, and I am anger. Nonduality not two. I have to deal with my anger with care, with love, with tenderness, with nonviolence. Because anger is me, I have to tend my anger as I would tend a younger brother or sister, with love, with care, because I myself am anger, I am in it, I am it. In Buddhism we do not consider anger, hatred, greed as enemies we have to fight, to destroy, to annihilate. If we annihilate anger, we annihilate ourselves. Dealing with anger in that way would be like transforming yourself into a battlefield, tearing yourself into parts, one part taking the side of Buddha, and one part taking the side of Mara. If you struggle in that way, you do violence to yourself. If you cannot be compassionate to yourself, you will not be able to be compassionate to others.When we ge angry, we have to produce awareness: “I am angry. Anger is in me. I am anger.”That is the first thing to do.

In the case of a minor irritation, the recognition of the presence of the irritation, along with a smile and a few breaths will usually be enough to transform the irritation into something more positive, like forgiveness, understanding, and love. Irritation is a destructive energy. We cannot destroy the more constructive energy.

Forgiveness is a constructive energy. Understanding is a constructive energy. Suppose you are in the desert, and you only have one glass of muddy water.

You have to transform the muddy water into clear water to drink, you cannot just throw it away. So you let it settle for a while, and clear water will appear. In the same way, we have to convert anger into some kind of energy that is more constructive, because anger is you.Without anger, you have nothing left.That is the work of meditation.

I give the example of a big brother who gets angry at his sister at first and then finds out that she has a fever, and he understands and becomes concerned, and he tries to help her. So the destructive energy of anger, because of understanding, is transformed into the energy of love.Meditation on your anger is first of all to produce awareness of anger, “I am the anger,” and then to look deeply into the nature of anger. Anger is born from ignorance, and is a strong ally of ignorance. Being Peace, Full Circle.
source:speakingtree

Tortured By Love, Lust, A Crush? Buddhism Has Some Advice For You!

“Foulness Meditation”

“The Lord Buddha advised those who are ardent on attaining Nibbana to contemplate the body with its impurities…”

“VARIATIONS AND OTHER TECHNIQUES FOR OVERCOMING SEXUAL LUST”

Growing up, my momma was an American Buddhist. While I appreciated the community hugely, growing up, I didn’t get into Buddhism personally until I was 16. I was graduating from high school, and figured that before I left my teenage home (Karme Choling, a Buddhist meditation center in rural Vermont) I’d say goodbye to all that in proper Buddhist style: by doing a weeklong meditation retreat. Nine hours a day, including zen-style meals, of meditation.

And I finally, personally, fell in love with Buddhism. Meditation, I belatedly realized, wasn’t just some way of avoiding living life. It wasn’t boring. It was…to use a word I generally avoid…transformative. I could begin to live and enjoy life from a clear, open, sane, relaxed point of view (and as a teenager, that was one helluva discovery).

 So I canceled my plans and studied and partied and meditated and worked (as a lumberjack) at Karme Choling for a year. Along the way, I learned a whole hell of a lot.

 One of the funny little things that’s stuck with me is how to wake oneself from that exquisite pain that is lust or having a crush on someone. If you’re in love or in lust or intimidated or entranced by a beautiful man or woman, you have only to remember that, just like everyone else, below that alluring exterior they’re full or blood and spit and mucus and poo and pee, like everyone else. You’re actually supposed to visiualize them going to the bathroom.
It works. You remember they’re human, and stop tripping out.

Excerpt from a Buddhist text:

 35) How to Combat and Subdue Lust and Desire

 Afflictions stemming from greed, while numerous, are all included within the defilements of the “five desires” and the “six Dusts.” From the root of greed stem other evil afflictions, such as stinginess, envy, hate, fraud, deceit … known as secondary afflictions. The “five desires” refers to the five defilements, that is, the desire for beautiful forms (sexual desire …), wealth and money, fame and power, exquisite food and elegant attire, [excessive] rest and sleep.[48] The “six Dusts” are form, sound, scent, taste, touch and dharmas [i.e., external opinions and views].


The six Dusts encompass the five desires; however, the term “five desires was created as a separate expression to stress the five heavy defilements of human beings in the realm of the “six Dusts.” The concept “six Dusts” is used when speaking in general, while the expression “five desires” refers to specific afflictions. I employ the term “six Dusts” here to cover other defilements not included in the five desires, such as excessive fondness for music and songs as well as infatuation with romances, novels, etc …
When the five desires and six Dusts flare up, the general way to counteract them is through skillful visualization of four truths: Impurity, Suffering, Impermanence, and No-Self.


1. Impurity

 This means that the body is impure, the mind is impure and the realm is impure. Impurity of the body means that we should reflect on the fact that beneath the covering layers of skin, our bodies and those of others are composed entirely of filthy, smelly substances such as meat, bones, blood, pus, phlegm, saliva, excrement, urine, etc. Not only that, body fluids are excreted through nine apertures (mouth, ears, nose, anus, etc.). If we stop to think carefully, the physical body of sentient beings is hardly worth cherishing.

 Vaguely relephant bonus: Karme Choling’s innovative garden:


source and courtesy: elephantjournal

6 Signs A Nice Person Secretly Has Negative Intentions


Have you ever met someone who you thought was just so nice when you first met them? They seemed funny, genuine and likable, and a friendship began to form. But as you got to know them, something started to seem off. That “nice” persona seemed to just be a mask they were hiding behind. When their real personality came out, you didn’t like what you saw.
People who seem nice when you first meet them, but turn out to be someone else are all too common. These people have hidden negative intentions and if you aren’t careful, they can
 end up taking advantage of you.

Here are six signs that a nice person has secret negative intentions:

1. They Repeatedly Make Demands

Someone who seems nice but is really a manipulator tends to make demands. They believe that they are superior than those around them, so they use other people to satisfy their own agenda. Challenging their words and refusing to participate in their game can help prevent you from getting sucked into their negativity.

2. You Feel Bad After Talking To Them

Feeling bad or strange after speaking with someone is often your gut instinct telling you that something is wrong. When dealing with a nice person, you’ll feel positive after spending time with them. When dealing with a wolf in sheep’s clothing, you’ll be left with a negative feeling.

3. They Show Abnormal Eye Contact And Body Language

Manipulators know how to use eye contact and body language to make you trust them. But if you look close enough, you might be able to see through it. Forced eye contact that is long and uncomfortable might be a sign that the person you’re talking to has a hidden agenda.

4. They Use Persuasion As A Game

Someone with bad intentions who is hiding behind a nice persona will constantly use persuasion to get what they want. They’ll use peer pressure to talk you into doing something that you don’t want do. They are pro’s at manipulating the people around them to get what they want.

5. They Use Humor To Insult You

A “nice” person who actually has negative intentions might use humor to insult you. When they say something offensive, they’ll follow it up with “just kidding.” This is a way of bringing you down and making them feel superior. They might especially use this tactic when you’re with a group of people, to make you look bad in front of others.

6. Their Conversations Are Always One-Sided

Seemingly nice people with bad intentions seek to dominate discussions. They manipulate conversations to make everything about them. This sign can take time to notice. But after being around this person long enough, you’ll begin to see that you can never get a word in, and the conversation always seem to revolve around them.
source:davidwolfe

A Zen master reveals the giveaway signs of a toxic person and the most powerful way to deal with them


We’ve all come across toxic people before. You know, the type of person that can be manipulative, judgmental and inconsiderate of anyone’s feelings.

It can hard to deal with these people, especially if you’re forced to every single day. That’s why I thought the advice below from a Zen master on Reddit was quite remarkable.
But first, let’s define what a toxic person is so you know who you’re dealing with and then we’ll get to the Zen Master’s advice.
9 Traits of a Toxic Person
1) They talk more than they listen
Toxic people tend to have narcissistic tendencies and find it difficult to focus on anything but themselves. This goes against Buddhism where compassion and kindness for others (and yourself) is paramount.
2) They are never wrong
Everything they say is right and everything you say is wrong. They are unwilling to learn and will react harshly if you go against them.
3) Drama follows them
There’s always something wrong. If you offer advice, they’ll simply say it won’t work.
 4) They force relationships
It’s more about having relationships for the sake of other people seeing that they have relationships, rather than actually enjoying the connection for what it is.
5) Their experience is the standard by which everything should be judged.
Their own life experiences are how everyone else should be judged. If they hated yoga, then it’s a waste of your time.
6) They often lie
They benefit from lies in some ways, so they have no problem telling them.
7) They lack tact and general courtesy
A lack of empathy and acts of superiority define a toxic person. They boast about their honesty so don’t even see the problem with using hard words to get what they want.
8) They exhibit controlling behaviors
They want you to act a certain so they can get they want, whether that’s superiority or gaining from you in some way.
9) They love to talk about other people
They bring down others in order to bring up their own self-esteem.
How a Zen Master recommends you respond to toxic people
In reaction to a post on Reddit, here is a wise piece of advice on how to deal with these kinds of people:
“The deeper your present moment peace gets, the easier it’ll be to react non- passionately when confronted with hostility. As this gets better, you can begin to realize more deeply just how much someone has to be suffering internally in order to have such harsh reactions. With enough insight, you can develop your empathy and compassion based off this knowledge and these also help you remain even more peaceful in the present moment.
Continue the conversation Eventually, with enough compassion and insight on your side, you can begin to extinguish the fires of hostility by extinguishing anger with patience and understanding… It’s hard to continue treating someone harshly when they continue treating you well. In helping them relieve these feelings, you not only help them but you also help yourself, since you no longer have to deal with them as they were.”

7 Tips to Stop You from Worrying About Things You Can’t Control

                      

 1. You can’t control everything that happens to you, but you CAN control the way you respond. And in your response is your greatest power. Yes, most of your stress comes directly from the way you think and respond, not the way life is. Adjust your attitude, and all that extra stress is gone.

2. Don’t bother worrying about whether there will be problems. There will be plenty of them, and you’ll work your way through every one of them.
3. If you worry too much about what might be, and wonder too long about what might have been, you will ignore and completely miss what is. Realize that worrying is a misuse of your incredible creative energy. Instead of imagining the worst, imagine the best and how you can bring it about.

4. Today is a choice.  Today, choose grace over impatience, beauty over negativity, and presence over panic.

5. There is absolutely nothing about your present situation – even the aspects you can’t control – that prevents you from making progress, step by step.

 6. You are alive and breathing, so act like it.  Let go of what’s wrong and grab a hold of what’s right. Make things happen, and then let things happen. Learn, accept, explore, create and experience, every single day, one tiny step at a time.

7. Keep being mindful. Keep breathing deeply. Things ultimately turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.


source:marcandangel
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